After a summer stuffed with billboards, magazine covers and anticipation, the shiny new CW remake of “Beverly Hills 90210” debuted Tuesday night, and it feels tired already.

DETAILS “90210” When: 8 p.m. Tuesdays. Pilot repeats at 8 tonight. Where: XETV/Channel 6 ½

Now sporting the short-hand title of “90210,” this teen drama about nice kids thrown into the West Beverly Hills High shark pool has all the bite of a sea anemone. It is colorful, blobby and easily buffeted by the pop-culture waters. And if you give it a stiff poke, it caves in on itself.

The show stars Shenae Grimes (“Degrassi: The Next Generation”) and Tristan Wilds (“The Wire”) as Annie and Dixon Wilson, two good kids who have moved from Kansas to Beverly Hills, where they will be living in their grandmother's mansion and attending the high school where their father (Rob Estes of “Silk Stalkings”) will be the new principal.

In the busy, busy two-hour premiere, a squad of screenwriters that inexplicably included “Veronica Mars” auteur Rob Thomas threw a zillion teen-TV plot points against the cafeteria wall, and most of them were way too stale to stick.

Plagiarism and mean blogs. Decadent Sweet 16 parties and evil text messages. Regularly scheduled appearances by bullying jocks, spoiled rich girls and pill-popping aspiring actresses. A lot of stuff happens during Annie and Dixon's first week of school, and almost none of it is interesting. And unlike the wickedly stylish “Gossip Girl,” “90210” doesn't have enough flair to remake these vintage plot threads into something that can occasionally pass for fabulous.

Fans of the original were probably happy to see former 90210-ers Jennie Garth (looking good) and Shannen Doherty (looking extraneous) sharing a table at the Peach Pit. But once the thrill wore off, they probably joined younger viewers in wondering what those geezers were doing there anyway.

As always, the cast members playing high schoolers look old enough to be procrastinating on their masters' theses. But Dustin Milligan and AnnaLynne McCord give their golden rich kids some welcome emotional tarnish, and Jessica Stroup and Michael Steger play the arty misfits with casual charm.

As Annie and Dixon's drink-swilling, zinger-dispensing grandma, the priceless Jessica Walter (“Arrested Development”) is the best of the grown-ups, while Estes looks like he's hoping to wake up in an alternate universe where “Silk Stalkings” is still on the air.

As for me, I'm hoping to wake up in a world where shows aimed at young audiences don't feature toothpick-thin actresses and references to oral sex before 9 p.m. Obviously, I'm in the wrong ZIP code for that.